Dandelions get it.
Their life's purpose is letting go. Though we dislike them, we can't argue that in letting go of all they affect the world around them in a big way.
This has been on my mind heavily all weekend. My life is in the midst of much change, I'll just leave it at that for now. I've been awkwardly learning to let go. I like to be in control (gross understatement), and sometimes God has to pry things out of my death grip. I'm learning to leave my hands open, palms up.
You know how you get your mind set on something, and that's just that. Its how it is, its how it will be, and NO ONE will change your mind. Extremely self destructive behavior.
An example from my own life.
Disclaimer: this story is not shared to glamorize my sin, stupidity or stubbornness; but to share with you God's undeserved goodness to a jackass (totally appropriate word here).
There once was a boy I was captivated by. Years ago. He was big-time bad news. Everyone disliked him. I, however, can be fiercely independent and wasn't going to admit 'they' were right. I was on an oppressive path of destruction, and the farther I went the more desperate and trapped I felt. I never compromised my virtue, but that doesn't make what I was doing any less sinful. I was horribly rebellious and almost destroyed my future. Oh, don't think I didn't ACT spiritual. That was my whole premise. I brought him to church. I prayed for him. I prayed with him. I was "helping" him. When I act spiritual to justify my sins, it puts it in a whole new ballgame - makes it harder for me to back down. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
I didn't care who I hurt. When I look back, I see a dark boiling cloud hanging over our home. I fought with my dad, I hurt him. I fought with my brother. I shut out my friends. My sister would bristle when the guy would come around. I'm sure my mom cried. They were all worried, but couldn't fix it because they didn't want to push me away farther. I didn't care.
Thank God for his divine intervention. My brother sat me down after months of the ugliness. I was prepared to bristle and walk away, but he totally changed his approach that day. He gently and kindly implored me to listen. He said my life held so much more value to him and everyone else than I valued it myself. He painted this glowing picture of what he hoped for in my life, and basically said I was voluntarily painting a much darker picture. He gave me room to save face. I don't think he even knew what he was doing. It was God's divine hand directing my brother. I deserved to be rebuked, I deserved to be raked over the coals. God was merciful though and used the words that could break through.
That day, that moment, changed the direction of my life.
Sometimes you just need that one person to say to you "Wake up Ding Dong. What are you thinking?!"
I cannot describe to you the feeling of intense relief that washed over my soul when Clayton broke through my impenetrable wall. I could love my family again. I could let my guard down. I could talk to my friends again. The hardness of my countenance melted back into soft, repentant sweetness. To this day I'm ashamed and saddened of how I hurt people when I was in that skewed state of mind.
I still get goosebumps when I think about what my life would be like today if I had finished 'that' course. I wouldn't be the "cool" aunt. I wouldn't have any integrity. I may not have gotten saved a few years later. I wouldn't be held up as a good example by mothers. I wouldn't be on the brink of a couple of AWESOME things that God is about to unfold. All that is wonderful and good in my life.... I wouldn't _____. You may think I'm being dramatic, but I'm not even telling the half actually.
I think its important to share this story for some reason. God's really been revisiting that chapter of life with me lately as I think about my future. Take it from the queen of stupid, don't be stupid. God is under no obligation to bail us Jackasses out of our self-created disasters.
I may not leave this post up long, but its so heavy on my heart right now that I think God wants me to share.
The lesson I learned: LET IT GO.
Thank you Anna. I would like to be wise like your brother about a very dear friend of mine who is practically a brother to me. I pray that God would speak to him and help him as he did you.
ReplyDeleteRight on. It is amazing how God can take ANY mess that we've created, no matter how large, and turn it completely around.
ReplyDeleteHe is truly the only one who can undo what we become when we forge our own way instead of following His.
Now I'm crying again--about just how faithful God is to His children. Believe me, the older you get, the more you realize how many life-destroying things God held you back from when you didn't even realize it. Just like a baby reaching for a hot stove. All you young people remember your own "hard" years when your own children reach that stage--there's no teen that doesn't go through it. And there's no teen that doesn't think to some extent that they've got life figured out. You begin to realize just what it means to be a child of God, and how we grieve the Holy Spirit--and how long-suffering He is--and how prayer is a parent's absolute best resource to allow us to be long-suffering while allowing God to do the heavy lifting.
ReplyDeleteLove ya, Baby! I didn't mean to use your site as my pulpit :)
Thanks Mama. Preach away. We could all stand to hear it from someone who's been through a little more life than us and has managed to come out okay on the other side, by God's grace. Thanks for taking such good care of us.
ReplyDeleteI love you.