sorry about the donuts

{I am about to throw myself under the bus for the purpose of making you laugh.}

I must preface this tale with a little factoid. I don't do well with numbers in my head. I can't add in my head. I get historical dates, phone numbers and birthdays mixed up in my head. I rely heavily on calculators and cell phone calendar appointments.

I call it Number Dyslexia. I don't know if that's a real thing, but I have it. When I write / type numbers down, I often transpose some of them. This causes a lot of small, mostly humorous mishaps around the office and in general life. Its not because I don't pay attention. I pay attention more closely BECAUSE of this problem.

{once upon a time}

It was a beautiful morning. Crisp color, fresh air, fall leaves, etc. I was so overcome with the warm fuzzies that I decided to bring donuts to work. I happily filled up my pink pastry box at Safeway with a delectable variety of delicious donuts (thanks Brandon for baking them BTW, your job is very important to my sense of well-being).

Back at the office, there was much happiness in the air as people gathered around the pink pastry box. Let me share one of the conversations with you.

Susie: Oh Anna, this is so exciting.
Anna: Yes I know. I've got to say though, I always feel a little bit guilty when I buy donuts.
Susie: Why?
Anna: The Baker's Dozen. I always got 12 before, but a couple of years ago some pompous Know-it-All (exaggerating for effect) was shocked that I didn't know about the Baker's Dozen. Apparently EVERYONE knows you put a baker's dozen in the box, even the Safeway people tell you that. I felt so dumb for not knowing this fact of life that I have ever since taken the Baker's Dozen, feeling horribly guilty all the while and wishing I could just take 12.
Susie: YES! EXACTLY! I do that too. You do feel guilty. But you feel dumb if you only take 12.
(the pitch of the conversation is getting more excited and demonstrative)
Anna: Its like, once you pass 12, you start to look around hoping for someone to stop you. Or for a ceiling tile to drop on your head.
Susie: YES! YES! I do that too!
Anna: Or when the checker casually asks, A dozen donuts? That horrible moment of wondering how to answer. Do I ask her to clarify? Repeat the question? Do I say yes? Baker's Dozen? 14?...

silence.

Susie: Isn't a baker's dozen 13?

silence.

Anna: Oh. Shoot. Yep, sure is.

Susie: Anna you are SO CUTE! {insert the jolliest laughter I've ever heard from Susie in 7 years. This lady is so sweet she never laughs AT people. Doesn't happen. Until yesterday.}


And so Brandon, as a representative of your store, I publicly apologize to you. I have been taking 14 donuts for about 3 years. At some point, the number 14 lodged in my brain and has been the official Baker's Dozen in my world ever since. No wonder I've felt so guilty.

I've thought about the least complicated way of rectifying the situation. Clearly I cannot return the donuts. I've decided I will take only 11 donuts for the next few years.

Will that work? Will you still be my friend?

And officially, what is the proper amount of donuts to take? Just for future reference and clarification to all "14" of my blog readers.