weakness

This is post #2 today.

Work is crazy.  I'm lovin' it!  I am a dental assistant now, but have been cross-training to run the front desk.  I will be running the front office for a couple months starting this week.  Its overwhelming, but a challenge that drives me.  I thrive in challenges.  I'm learning insurance, billing, accounting, scheduling, prescriptions, etc.
Anyways today there were about 4 people lined up to check out at once.  All ready to leave.  Some with crying kids, some to get back to work.  All needing to make payments and set up additional appointments, straighten out insurance, etc.  Phone was ringing.  Total chaos.  A kind retired gentleman with a sparkle in his eye was last in line.

When I got to said gentleman, I thanked him profusely for his patience and apologized for making him wait.  He said something that has the potential to change my life.
"Never apologize.  It's a sign of weakness."  "Know who said that?" he asked.  "John Wayne."
"Young lady, you are doing a great job.  Stop apologizing."

We visited a bit, and I found out that he's a Christian.  What he said has mulled over in my brain quite a bit.  It goes against every fibre in my being.  I am an apologizer.  Instantly I think to not apologize is to be arrogant.  But that's not true.  God rebuked Moses for apologizing about his stammer.  God called us to be strong.  Not to be jerks, but to be strong.  Leaders don't apologize all the time.  I've decided that if I'm doing the very best I can, not to apologize.  Not to apologize for my cooking if I did my best.  Not to apologize for my piano playing if I did my best.  Not to apologize for my photography if I did my best.  Its a nagging problem I've actually been trying to put my finger on the last few months.  It came quite clear today.  By God's grace, I want to break my habit of over-apologizing.  A very wise friend of mine gave me some advice about dating recently.  She said "Anna, you're the prize.  You have to believe it yourself first."  She didn't mean that I should be arrogant and stuck on myself.  Basically she meant Be the best Anna you can be and don't apologize for who that is. (How do you like my paraphrasing Dana?)

So... if I apologize to you, I take it back.  I didn't mean it.  (unless my apology is for something unkind or stupid that I said or did to you... those apologies are still totally valid and probably will remain frequent)