how to: not get the girl (in 12 easy steps)

Step 1.
You spot a girl you dig in the produce isle.

Step 2.
Make small talk. a.k.a. personal questions.

Step 3.
She deflects your personal questions by gushing about how sweet your mother is. She says "Do you know how terrific your mom is? I hope you tell her so once in a while. She is a gem." (the woman really is)

Step 4.
You say "All I know is she better have dinner on the table when I get home." (Teachable moment Bud. We girls know that how you treat your mom is how you'll treat us. Just FYI.)

Step 5.
Girl tries not to snort in disgust.

Step 6.
You press on blissfully unaware of the fire sparking in Girl's eyes. "That is... unless I could get your phone number and take YOU to dinner instead."

Step 7.
Girl thinks (Ohhhh please please please! Pick me to have dinner ready on your table for the rest of my thankless days.**) but says "Well, why don't you come to our youth group tonight? Lots and lots of food there."

Step 8.
You back peddle... "Couldn't do that. I'm pretty tired, you know a man works hard all day."

Step 9.
Girl: Ahuh. But you had lots of energy for dinner. K. "Gotta go."

Step 10.
Try again 4 days later. Stop at Girl's office and suggest you can take Girl to dinner and start some small town rumors if she will give you her number.

Step 11.
Girl's co-worker tries not to snort.

Step 12.
Girl says: "Oh wow, tempting. Let me think about that..... NO."

FAIL.
Rethink your approach before you seek out the next one. A girl wants a guy who A: treats his Mama well, and B: will get a black eye defending her honor, not offer to soil her reputation.

**On the flip side: It would be a delightful priviledge to set dinner on the table for a guy who would admit to someone in a store that "Terrific? Yes I think so too. I love going home to her dinners even though she occasionaly burns the toast."