My palms began to sweat as additional lanes were added. First 3. Now 4. 5, then 6. What am I thinking?! Its okay, Anna. It is. Just breathe. Watch for your exit and continue to breathe. Its not that difficult. But its dark, and there are cars... hundreds of cars, all around. Headlights ahead, beside, in the mirror, above and below. I don't know the way. Just focus Anna. Focus, and remember that the exits are in numerical sequence. When you get close, pop into the right-most lane and hold your ground.
Breathe, and laugh. "Lord... I need your help. If you think I am EVER going to drive in Moldova, I need you tonight. I need to know that I can do this."
Seconds later, I glanced ahead, then quickly in the rear-view mirror. I looked beside me. This cannot be real, can it? For a small space of time, about 45 seconds, I had a very large bubble all around me. No cars. Almost as if there were a magnetic forcefield around me, repelling anything that would come near. Again, I laughed. Only my God.
I was on my way to Salt Lake for a photography class. This was large in many ways. I like to think I'm ALIVE. BRAVE. ADVENTUROUS. But... I forget sometimes. When I sit still too long in life, my confidence slips. I forget that I love to push myself beyond my comfort zone. I always remember the dread, but how easily I forget the rush, the excitement. The belonging. The perfect fit.
I found my hotel that I had reserved online. I checked in. I walked leisurely to a restaurant. I felt like such an adult. When did this happen? I felt like giving in to the nerves of tomorrow. Worrying, overstudying my camera manual, overstudying my map to the University. But no. I stopped. I savoured the evening. I enjoyed being an adult, I soaked it up. I didn't even turn on the TV. I don't even remember what I did for sure, I think mostly just laid there thinking about life and its direction.
The next day, I checked out and left super early. No way was I going to be late for this class. By this time, I was beginning to enjoy my role as navigator / map reader / SuperWoman. I used my little Google picture to find my way to the University building I needed. I walked in, dressed to the nines. This always helps. I don't know what it is about heels, but they help. Sometimes I don't wear them, on purpose, because I am VERY aware of the confidence they give me. Its serious business Anna. I could tame a lion when wearing heels. You see, this class was scary for me. I would never in a million years have signed myself up for something like this, let alone in a "big city" that I would have to drive in by myself. I have a Jekyl/Hyde kinda thing going on most of the time. There's the reserved Anna that doesn't think she's capable, and then there's the scary strong Anna that could take over an entire military armed with a plate of chocolate chip cookies.
Ohhhh the moment I heard my powerful German boots clicking down the halls of knowledge... I knew I was right where I belonged. Uneasiness slipped away, replaced by a confident grin. Camera bag shouldered, Groupon print-out in hand, I registered and slipped into the conference room to find a seat in the 4th row. I was early and the room was fairly empty. I spoke to my seat mate, who probably felt I sat too close to her. I do this sometimes. I began to visit with her. She began to shut me down. No worries, I'll find the friendlies. I noticed a beautiful young woman of Indian descent shyly turning around from Row 2 ahead of me. She heard my friendly tone and was cautiously locating the face to match. Our eyes connected and we became instant friends. Some between us were annoyed as we exchanged initial pleasantries, but it didn't matter. As the room filled to capacity, a young almost late-comer hurried in, head hung bashfully low, sheepish smile on her face as she scanned the room for a seat. She started to look worried as she circled the room. I picked up my camera bag, opening the seat beside me, and offered her a seat. She flashed me a grateful smile with the most sweet dimple. Those girls were my comrades all day. It was as if the three of us had grown up next door neighbors, sharing Barbies and having tea parties.
Supryiah is from India. She came to America for an arranged marriage. It was so fascinating to hear her talk about it. She said in her culture, it is not as it has always been. There are more and more "love-marriages" (her term) than ever before. The arranged marriages are quite common still, but they are not forced. She said "of course I can choose... I can choose NOT to accept the man the select for me." But she accepted him. And she blushed with happiness as she explained to Christine and I that, for her and her husband, it is a wonderful thing. For them, EVERYTHING is all new, every big and little thing they do together, it is new. She has been married one year, and she is still a blushing, glowing bride. Christine said she wished she could have an arranged marriage because dating has left her nothing but heartache.
Anyways. I could go on and on about this weekend trip. It was so good on so many levels. I needed to remember that lion-tamer Anna. Its time for her to come back around. I'm gonna need her as life changes here shortly. Its good to know she's still around. And its so good to know that my God is going to take care of me, by land, by sea, by car, by carriage, on foot, in the air.... He's got me covered.
Supriyah.... a study on focus.
*Project M disclaimer: All Project M photos are shot on Manual mode, and will be displayed as straight out of the camera (SOOC) aside from the watermark.
