January 12, 2009
I am a born again Christian. I only became a Christian two years ago, but
it has completely changed my life. You
see, I grew up in church, I was a little goody two shoes, never cussed, never
drank, etc., and all in all I was extremely proud of my “spotless”
reputation. I was in church for every
service, sang all the songs, tithed, on and on.
Only problem was, I was miserable.
I was living a lie – everyone thought I was one of those “super
Christians,” and happy to a fault. I
guess we are all natural born actors, aren’t we? I was a Montana State 4-H Officer in
2002/2003, and was thriving on the importance of all the leadership conferences,
speaking engagements, travelling and authority that came with that position. All the while, I was still very unhappy deep
down below the surface, no one had a clue.
Something was just missing.
In 2003, two weeks before my year as the State 4-H Publicity
Officer was ended, I wrote the following words in my journal. “…I think I have messed up my priorities
pretty bad, but the taste of success is like a drug. Once you’ve tasted it you are hooked. Nothing is quite enough, you just keep
pushing and pushing to do just a little bit better. By the time you’re done, you’ve accomplished
oh so much, but to what avail? Are you
even happy anymore? I don’t think
so. Oh God, I need help!”
God answered that cry for help. He did it in a way that I hated at the time,
but looking back overwhelms me with gratitude that He stepped in and altered my
course. I was 18, freshly graduated and
ready to take the world by storm. All my
friends headed off to college or to travel the world. I wanted to be important. This is where God stepped in.
Long story shortened a bit, I needed to work for a year
before I headed out. So, I walked the
streets of Dillon one day, job hunting.
I must have gone into 15 businesses.
I ran into a friend that said “I think the Tribune is hiring!” So I
stopped in there. The publisher took my
phone number down, and with no conversation other than me stating “I’m looking
for a job for only one year,” I received a call two weeks later saying “Start
Wednesday.” Start what? Well, apparently I had just been hired as an
advertising sales rep.
And so God’s plan for drawing me to Him began to
unfold. I hated the job, I thought for
the longest time that it was because I didn’t like sales. Looking back, I can see that that wasn’t the
problem, the problem was me. What I
really hated was the fact that I was stuck in my hometown, and I was now a “has-been”
and no longer important. I used to cry
such angry frustrated tears into my pillow.
I often thought of quitting, but I absolutely loved my boss and couldn’t
bring myself to do that to her.
I shall leave out a lot of details, basically God wore me
down for about two years. No one ever
guessed the inward struggle I was having – I was one of those “always happy”
people. God started taking the
distractions out of my excitingly busy life, one by one. He slowed me down and quieted
everything. I could now hear that old
nagging thought again that I had been able to drown out with busyness and fun
before … “There’s something missing Anna.”
I couldn’t ignore it anymore. It was haunting me day and night, eating and
sleeping, working and dreaming. I knew
what the problem was. I was living the supposed
Christian life, but all it was for me was empty religion. I used to look around at all the folks that I
grew up around at church and think – “They really must have something
more than I do. They cannot possibly all
be pretending to be truly happy, can they?”
I have since found the answer – they are not all
pretending, and yes I was missing something. I found the answers in the Bible.
Matthew 23:28 – Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous
unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity. (that was me)
Romans 3:10 – As it is written, there is none righteous, no,
not one:
Ephesians 2:8-9 – For by grace are ye saved through
faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of
works lest any man should boast.
John 3:16 – For God so loved the world, that he gave his
only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have
everlasting life.
Ephesians 4:32 – And be ye kind one to another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath
forgiven you.
II Corinthians 5:21 – For he (God) hath made him (Jesus) to
be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God
in him.
I Peter 2:24 – Who his own self bare our sins in his own
body on the tree (the cross), that we, being dead to sins, should live unto
righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
Luke 5:30-32 – Why do ye eat and drink with publicans and
sinners? And Jesus answering said unto
them, “They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners
to repentance.”
I found the answers in the Bible, in Jesus Christ, not in
myself. I finally realized that I was a
sinner, and that all of the good things I thought about myself were not good enough. I asked Christ to forgive my sins and wasted
years, and come into my heart and save me.
He did, too. That was two years
ago (2006) and my life is completely different now. I’m still in my hometown, but I love it, I
love my job. I’m not anxious about life
or death anymore – and I love church now.
Its so wonderful to really understand the peace and happiness now that I
was merely pretending to have before.
I am so thankful that God altered my course a few years ago,
and brought my life to a point where I could see that I needed him. The Bible says it best – “The goodness of God
leadeth thee to repentance.” Romans 2:4.
It was God’s goodness that kept me in Dillon and slowed my life down so I could hear His call.
